Warning: May contain spoilers. You've been warned.
(out of four stars)
I have so much to say about this movie and I don't even know where to start or how to organize what I want to say so I'm sorry if my writing about this movie is a little bi-polar.
The movie was good. It had good action, a lot of Johnny, and the Pirates supernatural-mentality that we've all become accustom to.
Let's start with the story. Basically it picks up some time after Pirates 3. It is unclear how much longer, but long enough for Barbossa to become part of the Royal navy. And before you ask
there was absolutely no reference to Will and Elizabeth (Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley) in this movie.
Jack travels to London to find the person who has been impersonating him in order to find a crew searching for the Fountain of Youth. He finds Gibbs and rescues him before being brought in front of Uncle Vernon King George and finds out that Barbossa is working for King George and is in search of the Fountain of Youth. The King requires that the English find it before the Spanish. Jack escapes from the King and employment from Barbossa and finds the impersonator. It turns out to be a former love of Jack's, Angelica played by Penelope Crúz. She turns out to be the daughter of the evil pirate Blackbeard who is searching for the Fountain of Youth to prevent some dumb prophecy about being killed by a one-legged man. Oh, that reminds me, Barbossa now has one leg and lost the Black Pearl to Blackbeard who shrunk it with magic and put it in a bottle. How ironic.
Jack is now aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge, Blackbeard's ship which he controls telepathically with his sword, as a member of his crew. They're in search of a mermaid whose tears are required for the ritual that coincides with the Fountain of Youth. They manage to catch one and it falls in love with a rebellious member of Blackbeard's crew which creates a cute little side story. In the end, they all make it to the Fountain - Barbossa's English crew and the Spanish included - and a fight begins. Barbossa stabs Blackbeard, taking Blackbeard's sword, while Jack is preparing the chalices for the ritual. The plan originally is for Angelica to give her life for her father to survive, since the ritual requires a sacrificed life. Jack tricks them into drinking the wrong chalices killing Blackbeard while Angelica survives. The End. Oh and then Jack abandons Angelica on the island that he was left on by Barbossa.
So like I said, the movie had great action scenes, but that was most of the movie. Many of the scenes were unnecessarily long on top of being unnecessary. Sadly there was no action scene as epic as the Kraken in Pirates 2 or the Maelstrom in Pirates 3. I found the action similar to that of the first one, so it wasn't terrible. The fight at the King's Palace killed me though; how he found while trying to get a hold of the pastry. Kind of lame and pointless.
I am not a fan of Penelope Crúz so even before the movie was released, I was worried. She didn't really do anything for me. AND it really didn't help that she was pregnant. We hardly ever saw her body and when we did, it was a stand-in played by her sister. So a lot of the movie was close-ups of actors meaning above the stomach which is very unlike Pirates movies.
I didn't like that Barbossa's leg was cut off and I hate that the trailers for the movie steered us wrong. They cut the trailer together to make us think that Blackbeard was the one-legged pirate. Now, if Barbossa's character returns for future films, he'll always have one leg which I don't care for.
I loved the missionary, Phillip, but I'm disappointed he didn't have a larger part. I also loved the little love side-story that was going on between him and the mermaid. I wish they had embellished that a little more. They also didn't really give them an ending.
I was disappointed that the Black Pearl wasn't a huge part of the movie. And why the hell was it in a bottle? And why the hell did this movie have zombies?! I'm sorry I'm being so picky. I just had very high expectations for this movie and I tried going in unbiased and open-minded. I'm sorry if the negatives are outweighing the positives.
I also really had a problem with Richard Griffiths being in this movie. If you don't know he plays Harry Potter's Uncle Vernon in the Harry Potter series and I just thought it was bizarre to take a iconic character from one series and stick him into another movie filled with iconic characters. For some reason I found it weird and didn't much care for it.
As a stand alone movie, I thought that On Stranger Tides was pretty good. If I were compare it to the other Pirates movies, I would say that if the original trilogy were the American Pie trilogy, then On Stranger Tides would be the Naked Mile or Band Camp. Why? Because something felt… off. It didn't feel like a regular Pirates movie; it was missing something and I haven't yet decided what that something is.
How would I have made this movie differently? Made it longer, included the Black Pearl, no zombies, no behind-the-scenes pregnant leading lady, larger love story, and no cheesy 3D shots. That's just a start too. I could be way more pickier.
So yes, On Stranger Tides, is a good movie although you think I'm lying based on my pickiness. It had its flaws, but it was still very entertaining. Could you wait for it on DVD? I suppose. If you do see it in theaters, don't see it in 3D. I didn't, but I can imagine it would be hard to tell what's going on. Besides 3D sucks. :) Do I want to see more Pirates movies? Yes, I do. I can't live without them at this point and now I know to be more open-minded. They could also do a better part on their end though. ;)
I do recommend seeing it however, but just enjoy it and take it as it is.
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